Bleach: Captured Cast (tsuki version)
by Tsukiakari no Ha
Summary: RE-WRITTEN! Me and Yuki get the Bleach cast all to ourselves! Oh boy, what could possible go wrong, here? There'll be violence, character bashing, and much more! Rated T for Teen and A for Awesomeness. Thanks for clicking! XD
1. Chapter 1

So after getting an e-mail saying that my story got removed, this is now the re-written version of chapter 1. Made this with my best buddy, shirayuki55 :) and on that note, let's meet our captives-i mean guests!

Ichigo, Rukia, Toshiro, and Rangiku, appear under a light tied up and gagged

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They all mumble incoherently while protesting. A girl named Tsuki laughs evilly and rips off the tape from Ichigo's mouth, causing him to scream like a bitch. Everyone has to stifle their laughter at ichigo's reaction. He yelled, "Ow! what the hell was that for?" Tsuki responds, "Because you have the best reaction, my stupid strawberry" This caused Ichigo to shoot a menacing glare at Tsuki, who in return shot a glare, which made her eyes flash with murderous intent. Ichigo had lost the glare-off when he paled and shrunk back. Tsuki smirked and said, "Now that that's out of the way, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Tsukiakari no Ha, but for this fic I will be called Tsuki. Now to bring out my lacky, here's shirayuki55!" Another girl walks out and waves sweetly to the cast. In a bubbly voice, she said, "Hi guys! I'm the second host! Nice to meet you!" She shot a glare at Tsuki, "And I am not your lacky!" Tsuki dismissed Yuki's last statement, and turned towards the cast, "You should all count your blessings that Shirayki's here." She smirked, "If she wasn't, you'd all be tortured till death." she grins, and happily asks, "Isn't that great?" Everyone including Yuki paled and secretly counted their blessings. Tsuki smirks evilly and announces, "Now let's get started! Our first "guest" will be non other than... Ichigo! come here Ichigo!" He gulped and stayed put, causing Tsuki to become angry. She shot a pillar made from energy at Ichigo, causing him to yelp as it narrowly misses him. She glared at him and said menacingly, "Come. here. now!" ichigo yelped and scurried over to her and obediently sat in his seat. Tsuki smiled, "Good, now then onto the "interview!" "Oh i'm so gonna break him." She thought, "This is gonna be fun!" After she got comfortable, Tsuki started, "Alright, first question." Ichigo decides to be brave, saying, in an almost daring tone, "Alright, bring it on!" Yuki facepalmed at Ichigo's bravery and mentally hoped that Tsuki wouldn't be too hard on him. "Oh God." She said tiredly, "Please don't hurt him too much." Tsuki giggled, "No promises Yuki! Now then ichigo, what would you say to a zampokuto battle?" He smirked and crossed his arms over his chest, arrogance dripping in his voice, "I'd say I'd kick your ass!" Yuki stares at ichigo with her mouth agape, and hysterically asked, "Why? Why? Why would you say that, Ichigo?" His response to this was a confused facial expression along with an equally confused response, "Why wouldn't i say that?" While this conversation was taking place, Tsuki yelled, "Burn the night, Kurohi!"

A massive wave of black fire engulfs the area, with Tsuki in the center of it all. When the flames died, Tsuki was now wearing a black Shihakusho with silver armor, in her left hand, a black and silver sword that's as tall as she is appears with a jagged blade tilting at an angle, making one end longer than the other.

Tsuki smirked, "So you say you'd kick my ass, huh?" Ichigo, who was freaking out while he pointed at Tsuki, yelled, "How the hell did you do that?!" She shrugged, "How do you think?" Ichigo started, "Uhh..." but then trailed off, unable to come up with an answer. Tsuki grins and yells, "Wrong answer!" and lunges at Ichigo, who screamed and ran away before releasing his own zampokuto. They both stare each other down, and then without missing a beat, lunges at one another.

The battle begins. both competitors have shown great strength during the fight. everyone from Bleach, especially Rukia, cheer Ichigo on, while Yuki tries to look away but fails because the battle between them is too epic. Ichigo and Tsuki face each other again, both out of breath and sporting injuries.

Tsuki wiped her lip and said, "I've had enough of this! Time to end it!" She took a stance while holding her sword and yelled, "Bankai!

Another wave of black flame starts to engulf the area, this time more devastating than the last. everyone has to brace themselves due to the high amount of spiritual pressure. Rukia yelled, "Since when did Tsuki have Bankai?" Yuki yelled back, "I don't kmow, but Ichigo's in for it now!" Toshiro tried to look past the flames, but couldn't even open his eyes. As for Rangiku, she watched in shock as the flames began to disperse. Tsuki then re-appears, outfit still the same, but now a giant black dragon with silver scales and piercing red eyes is behind her. Tsuki solemnly said, "Kurohi Ryukasai!" She smiled at ichigo and said sweetly, "I'll give you exactly five seconds to run, Ichigo!" He glared at her and straightened up, holding out his own sword, he declared, "Your not the only one with a Bankai. He released his Bankai, and yelled after releasing it,"Tetsa Zangetsu!"

Both begin to battle again, with Tsuki getting the upper hand over Ichigo. Ichigo tries to flash step his way around her, but she is too fast. A blow to the face sends ichigo flying down towards the ground, and before he can retaliate, Tsuki quickly stomps on his stomach, both knocking the breath out of him and hurdling him faster towards the ground. He lands in a giant crater, with Tsuki standing on top of him, laughing triumphantly. She then stomps on his head, ruining his bright orange hair with her foot.

Tsuki started laughing at him, "Hah, I knew I could beat you, ichigo! Hahaha some Soul Reaper. No wonder you're a substitute, you suck at fighting!" Ichigo started crying and then tried to justify his defeat, "If i had released my Bankai earlier, you would be dead by now, you damn brat!" Tsuki laughs harder at this, "Yeah right. Even if you did release your Bankai, at any time, I would still beat your ass because i'm just that awesome!" Ichigo mumbles, "Yeah, right. the only reason you won is because you comtrol this damn universe." After a few minutes, Ichigo notices that Tsuki's foot is still on his head, so he yelled, "Get your foot off of me! Its too damn heavy!" Tsuki frowned, "That's what you tell me to get off of you, ichigo? My foot? Wow, you're one weird strawberry." Ichigo groans and collapses from exahustion. Tsuki grinned and held her sword up triumphantly, yelling, "And the winner of this match is... ME! Yay!" Yuki turned to look at Tsuki, screaming, "how does beating Ichigo to a pulp have anything to do with an interview?"Tsuki started laughing and smiling "Oh nothing, but it was fucking awsome, right?" Yuki was about to say something, but Rukia cut her off. "Your evil!", she screamed, pointing at Tsuki, who in return, grinned, and said smugly, "That's right, and don't you forget it." She turned to look at Ichigo "Now, since I beat you carrot-top you have to answer whatever we ask you, got it?" An evil grin started to spread across her face, making ichigo scowl, however, he nodded his head in submission. Tsuki's evil grin had grew until she was now wearing a grin that was ear-to-ear. Finally, she asked, "Why are you gay?" Everyone begins to laugh at him, but the laughter then dies, only to be replaced by judgemental stares. Ichigo chokes on apperantly nothing and blushes, exclaiming, "Whaaaaaat! I AM NOT GAY DO YOU HEAR ME?" Tsuki didn't look satisfied, so she stomped on his head while chanting, "Lie and you will die!" while grinding his head into the floor. Yuki cried out, "Tsuki stop! He said he's not gay alright? So leave him alone." Tsuki huffed, "Jeez your no fun." She kicked Ichigo in the ribs and walked away.

Suddenly Uryu bursts through the doors.

Uryu, with a frantic look on his face, yells, "What's going on here? Are you guys okay?" Tsuki suddenly steps in front of Uryu and jump kicks him in the face without warning, shattering his glasses. He fell to the ground with a groan and rubbed his aching forehead, "Who did that? Everything is so blurry." Tsuki started laughing, "Hahahaha, now you're visually impaired! Tell me used to be four eyes, how many fingers am I holding up?" Yuki scolded, "Tsuki that's not nice." Tsuki defensively saying, "Oh c'mon Yuki, you of all people shouldn't be feeling bad for him." After thinking it over, Yuki agreed with Tsuki's statement, "yeah, i guess you're right. but still, it's not nice to make fun of people." Uryu looks confused, "Hey wait, I thought you were supposed to be the good cop?"Yuki shook her head and looked away, smiling, "A girl can change her mind, can't she?" Uryu nodded in agreement, "I suppose so, but I still can't see!" Tsuki crossed her arms, and spat, "quit your bitching, they have schools for blind people, too." Uryu exclaimed, "But i'm not blind! i'm just nearsighted!" Tsuki, waved her arm dismissively, "Same crap." Uryu tried to correct her, "But its not-" However, doing so made him get kicked in the nuts by Tsuki. He doubled over in pain upon contact, while emitting a shill banchi-like scream and yelling, "My unborn children!" Tsuki and Yuki both fall on the floor while holding their stomachs and gasping for breath at Uryu's expense. Tsuki said in between breaths, "Dammit I can't breath!" and tries to gasp for air, while Yuki clutches her sides yelling, "My-my sides. they H-hu-hurt!" Tsuki got up after their laughing fit, "Alright, let's get this over with. Yuki!" Yuki also got up but was still giggling "What?" Tsuki commanded, "Start asking the questions. I'm to lazy." Yuki exclaimed, "Why me?!" Tsuki sighed, "Because you're the lacky and the lacky has to ask the questions. Now start asking, lacky!" Yuki huffed, "Ugh, fine, but I get to interview whoever I want." Tsuki groaned and rolled her eyes, "Fine, whatever. Just ask already." Yuki smiled, "Fine i will." She looked at Rukia, "Come here, Rukia." Ichigo yelled hysterically "No, not her!" He stood in front of Rukia, protectively. Tsuki started to get irritated, "You never learn, do you Ichigo?" He turned to glare at Tsuki and argued, "Well, I won't allow i-" "Shut up!" She yelled, making her voice become louder with authority. Ichigo was about to protest, but she punched him in the nose, making his head jerk back due to the sheer force of the impact. Yuki tried to ignore the two, and smiled sweetly saying, "Come here, Rukia." She slowly walked over, looking fearfully between Tsuki and Yuki. Yuki tried to comfort her, "Don't worry, I won't hurt you. Tsuki smirked, eyeing Rukia evilly, "Yeah, but I might." And a huge grin spreads across her face. Yuki starts, "So Rukia, why are you so... " Tsuki then interrupted by yelling, "SHORT!" Yuki cries, "That's not what I was going to say at all!" Tsuki shrugged, "Yeah but don't you wanna know why, too?" Yuki confessed, "Yeah, but-" Ichigo interrupted Tsuki and Yuki by yelling, "Hey! Only I can call her short!" This earned him another one of Tsuki's punches to the face again, this time both shattering his nose and shutting him up. Rukia screamed, "I AM NOT SHORT!" Tsuki chuckled, "Yes you are. Even Yuki's taller than you and she's a midget, too!" "Hey!" Yuki exclaimed. Tsuki said defensively, "What it's true." Yuki mumbled, "Amazon." Tsuki asked, "Is that from Futureama? Cuz it sounds like it's from Futureama." Yuki exclaims, "No! It's from Justice League!" Tsuki's eyes lit up and she gasped. In a shocked tone, she asked, "You watch Justice League, too?!" Yuki just shook her head and decided to hold back the urge to explode. "Anyway." She said, "Let's have someone else get a turn." She smiled, "Come on down, Captain Chibi!" Everyone looks confused, but Tsuki just smirks and yells, "Toshiro! Get your ass over here now!" Toshiro crossed his arms and pouted like a child, "First of all, it's Captain Hitsugaya to you. Second, i will not stand for this "Captain Chibi" nickname. And third, I don't want to." "Please, Captain Chibi?" Yuki pleaded. Toshiro glared at the nickname and shook his head, "No. And stop calling me that. It's degrading." Tsuki giggled, "Aww, I think it's cute!" He glared and his right eye began to twitch when Tsuki, Yuki, and even Rangiku started to laugh at him. When Tsuki saw that Toshiro wasn't cooperating, she stalked up to him, smiled, which caused him to raise an eyebrow, and without warning, she picked him up by his collar and lifted him three feet into the air. With a grin, she flung Toshiro into a chair, causing it to flip over with his legs in the air and the rest of him on the ground. Tsuki nodded, admiring the damage she created, "Now that that's taken care of, it's question time!" Toshiro gulped and fidgetted in his chair once it was upright. Tsuki started, "Alright Midget-taicho, first question. Why the hell are you 3'5'?" Toshiro choked on his spit, exclaiming, "What?! I am NOT 3'5'! I am 4'4', thank you very much." Tsuki started laughing hysterically, "Are you serious?" She asked, "You're seriously proud of that?" She continues laughing. Toshiro fumed, "Of course I am! That is an impressive height!" Tsuki mumbled "Yeah, if you wanna be an oompa-lumpa." Yuki and Rukia started giggling but stopped when Toshiro sends them a glare. Toshiro looked at Tsuki laughing, along with everyone else and a lone tear of pent up frustration slipped from his eye. Tsuki noticed this and yelled, "Aww, the midget's crying! Hey everybody look, Midget-taicho's crying!" Rangiku tries to be sympathetic, "Aww, captain don't cry!" Toshiro, furious with the situation had caused his voice to waver, "I'm. not. crying! Tsuki kindly asked, "Aww, does someone need a hug?" With a sob, Toshiro lunged at Tsuki. She yelled angrily, "Not me, damnit!" She kicked him in the stomach, sending him crashing into a wall, and instantly falling unconscious. Tsuki yawns and says tiredly, "Alright, I've had enough for one day." She stretched, "I'm out. Come on Yuki." Ichigo asked, "Wait, what about us?" She turned around, "What about you?" He explained, "What are we gonna do here? What about food and other things necessary for survival? You can't just leave us here!" Tsuki smirked and asked, "Wanna bet?" She struts out of the room with a cheerful wave. Ichigo called out, "Wait, wait, no!" Yuki popped her head back through the door, "Don't worry, I'll bring you guys food!" Tsuki came back and grabbed her arm, "No you won't, now let's go."She starts dragging Yuki away. Yuki argues, "But I want to help them!" Tsuki argues back, "And I want them to suffer."

And with that the door bangs shut leaving the cast staring at it in horror while Tsuki and Yuki's voices echo out and fade away. Tsuki and Yuki: And that's chapter 1, everyone! Remember to review and send us ideas. Yuki: "It can be questions, or character requests." Tsuki: "Or dares. Or even different ways that I could beat Ichigo up!" She smiled at the idea. Yuki: "Or anything else You guys want. Just write a review on either my or Tsuki's version of the story!" Tsuki: "The title will be the same, but you'll see in parenthesis (tsuki version) or (yuki version), ok?" They both smile and wave: "Thanks for Reading!"

just a few translations :P

Chibi - small/short

Taicho - captain

Kurohi - blackfire

Ryukasai - dragon fire

Now, since that's done. It's 2:23am, are you asleep yet? Lol I know I'm not xD


	2. Chapter 2

And so day two begins…

As usual, I don't own anything

chapter 2

Tsuki and Yuki walk back into the room with the captured cast. Tsuki opens the door, only to see the entire cast sprawled out in random directions, groaning and clutching their stomachs. Tsuki grins happily, pleased that the cast had suffered from chapter one. Yuki, on the other hand, stares in horror and shrieks at the shriveled up versions of Ichigo and Rukia. Yuki shrieked, "Oh my God! Wait, i have candy bars for all of you!"

Yuki pulls out a bag of candy bars, only to be snatched away by Tsuki. "Awesome, I was hungry!" She opened the bag and took out a candy bar, which she then ate in front of the starving casts' faces. After finishing the candy bar, she smiled, "That was good, thanks Yuki." Yuki screamed, "That wasn't for you!" Tsuki shrugs and takes out another one from the bag, "Oh well." She turned to face the cast, who were eyeing the candy bars hungrily, their mouths watering. She smirked and yelled, "Morning, bitches! Time to get up!' Everyone groans and tries to, but has no energy to do so. Ichigo manages to get up, but just barely as his legs are wobbly. He yells hoarsely at Tsuki, "You... Bitch!" and then collapes under his own weight. Tsuki glares at him and grabs Ichigo by his hair, yelling, "What was that?" in his face. Ichigo, now realizing that he's angered Tsuki, stutters, "N-nothing T-tsuki." Tsuki isn't convinced and narrows her eyes at him. Without warning, she throws Ichigo against the wall, making him scream and re-open the wound on his nose, meaning that it was broken again. Before she can do anymore damage to Ichigo, Yuki grabs her arm and begs, "Tsuki, stop! Don't hurt them, especially Ichigo!" "Ugh, fine. your no fun, Yuki." Tsuki huffs. She turns her attention to everyone else, who was looking at the hole Ichigo's body made when he was thrown into it. "Now listen up, maggots!" She yelled, her voice using a tone that demanded everyone to pay attention, "We have some new guests today, so please give them a warm welcome, ok?" Everyone groans, but one glare from Tsuki makes them shut up and stand rigid. Tsuki smirked and motioned for the new guests to come in. Byakuya, Renji, and Orihime walk into the room. Byakuya instantly rushes to Rukia's aid, while Orihime runs to Ichigo and tries to peel him from the wall. Renji is about to go help someone else, until Tsuki screams, "Renjiiiiii!" and tackles renji to the ground, who yelps and falls to the ground with Tsuki. She yells while still hugging Renji, "Alright, listen up. Renji is the only safe character in this fic. No exceptions." Everyone, especially Ichigo protests, "That's not fair!" Ichigo tried to stand up again, and pointed a finger at Tsuki, "Why does Renji get to be safe? He whined, "I wanna be safe, too!" Tsuki scowled at him, "Quit your bitching, Ichigo. Renji's safe cause he's awesome!" She mentally added, "And hot." Renji grinned and pointed at Ichigo, boasting, "Haha, you hear that, Ichigo? I'm awesomer than you!" Ichigo protested, "no your no-" but then was interrupted when Tsuki got in front of him. She got an evil glint in her eye when she asked, "Hey Ichigo, guess what?" he cautiously replied, "What?" Tsuki grinned and yelled, "Shakkaho!"

A ball of red energy shoots from her hands and knocks Ichigo to the other side of the room. Ichigo sits up, with smoke coming out of his clothes, then collapses. Orihime runs over to Ichigo, and holds him in her arms. She franticly asks, "Ichigo? Are you okay?" Before he can answer, she starts healing his injuries. Tsuki yelled, "Hey! What do you think you're doing?" Orihime said bravely, "Saving Ichigo from you!" She pointed to Ichigo's collapsed form, "Look at him, he's hurt!" Tsuki shrugged and said expressionlessly, "So? What do you care?" Orihime looks outraged, and exclaims, "It's because I-" But she hesitates and instead looks down. Rukia, who was now healed thanks to Byakuya, glared at Orihime, "You what, Orihime?" She looked at Rukia, unsurely. "Umm... Rukia?" She started, "I'm sorry but I lo-" Rukia interrupted her, shouting, "Hado 33, Sokatsui!"

A white lighting bolt hits Orihime and knocks her back into a wall and away from Ichigo.

Rukia stood her ground, "Ichigo is MINE!" She pointed accusingly at Orihime "You will NOT have him!" "Yeah Rukia, kick the big-breasted bimbo's ass! Protect what's yours!" Yuki encouraged. When Uryu tries to speak up in Orihime's defense, Yuki kicks him in the face, making contact with his eyes and surprising everyone, even Tsuki. Tsuki smirked, "Wow Yuki, never knew ya had it in ya." Yuki grinned, "That's what happens when I hang out with you too much." They both turned back to the fight as Rukia took a stance. She unsheathed her sword as she yelled, "Now stand your ground, Orihime! Shit's about to get real!" Orihime looked scared, as she did not want to fight. She said timidly, "But I... I don't wanna fight. I just want... Ichigo!" This caused Rukia to snap, and with fire in her eyes, she screamed, "Dance, Sode no Shirayuki!"

As a wave of white snow covers Rukia, her zampakuto releases, along with her spiritual pressure.

Rukia attacks first, "Somenomai... Tsukishiro!"

A white full moon appears under Orihime's feet, which then a pillar of thin, glass-like snow is formed, freezing orihime. Orihime's berets break the ice by rejecting it. Orihime stumbles as she lands on her feet. Yuki yells, "Come on Rukia! Kill the bitch!" Tsuki laughed when Orihime stumbled. Orihime glared at Rukia and said determinedly, "I'm not giving up yet, Rukia! Go Go Koten Sanshu!"

One of her little "things" fly out to attack Rukia, but she easily slices it with her sword. Tsubaki immediately dies, and his body disappears before reaching the ground.

Orihime exclaims, "Tsubaki!" While trying to suppress tears, her sadness turns into rage, "Oh it is ON, now!" She runs at Rukia, aiming to beat her up with her bare hands. Rukia smirked and taunts, "You fool." And shot Byakurai at her. Orihime screamed since she was hit by the full impact of the kido spell. She lay on the ground, injured. Rukia yelled, "Time to end this!" She held out her hands and readied herself. "Hado 90, Kurohitsugi!"

A black coffin appears and traps Orihime, which is then pierced by thousands of spears made by spiritual pressure, lacerating Orihime's body. The kido disappears, and Orihime appears cut and bloody. She is barely able to move let alone fight, but Rukia is not done yet. She points Sode no Shirayuki at Orihime. "Suginomai" She started. Three shiny waves surround Rukia's front, her body emanating a white glow due to the intensity of the power. "Hakuren!" She yelled, finishing the move. A massive tsunami of white snow crashes into Orihime making her collapse under the snow. The battle ends with Rukia being barely injured and victorious. Rukia yelled, triumphantly, "Ichigo is MINE, bitch! Never forget that!" She then grabs Ichigo and smashes their faces together in a kiss. Tsuki said slyly, "Hey, that looks like fun!" She grabbed Renji yelling, "Come here Renji!" And then smashed their faces together in a kiss, which caught Renji off-guard. Yuki grinned while Ichigo gagged at the sight, "Not this crap!" Yuki, who was still grinning, defended, "Aww come on Ichigo, it's cute." While this was going on, Byakuya asked, "Why haven't I said anything this whole chapter?" Tsuki turned to him, "You just did." Byakuya argued, "That one doesn't count!" Tsuki dismissed, "Well, whatever." But she mumbled "Yes it does." She then grabbed Byakuya's scarf with her hand while he was walking, causing the scarf to rip. Byakuya went berserk, "What the fuck did you just do? Do you know how much this scarf cost?" Tsuki pretended to ponder about how much the scarf cost, but then said uncaringly, "Nope. and I don't really care." Byakuya fumed, "This scarf cost me the equivalent of 5 mansions!" Tsuki had to supress her laughter at this, "Damn, 5 mansions for one cheap-ass scarf? Wow Byakuya, you got jipped!"

Byakuya's face turns red and as he is about to say something, Yuki interrupts him. Yuki hurriedly said, "Well, that's it for today! Thanks for reading and stay tuned for chapter 3!" Byakuya shouted at the top of his lungs, "Hold it! I'm not done ye-" But gets interrupted again by Tsuki saying, "Yes you are." dismissing him. She smiled and waved, "Bye guys! Don't forget to review!"

Well chapter 2 is done. For those who reviewed chapter 1, don't worry, I saw them :D Chapter 1 has been re-written due to "circumstances" so if you saw the first version, and now this version, it's still the same story, just in a different layout.


	3. Chapter 3

Lol this is what happens when shirayuki55 and I discover the power of Caps Lock. xD So, without further ado, I give you, the Chapter of Shouting! Yay!

Tsuki and Yuki walk back into the room. Tsuki grinned and pulled out an airhorn from behind her back. After both Tsuki and Yuki put on earplugs, they both counted to three. Tsuki, "One..." she started. "Two..." Yuki added. "Three!" both girls exclaimed in unison. Tsuki then pressed on the button at the top of the airhorn, making a high pitched sound blare throughout the entire room, and effectively scaring the Bleach cast. Tsuki and Yuki laughed at the now terrified cast, as some of them were up on the ceiling, with their backs arched making them look like frightened cats. After removing her earplugs, Tsuki smiled, "Good morning bakas! How'd you guys sleep?" By the sound of complaining coming from the cast, it was obvious that they didn't sleep well, much to Tsuki's pleasure. Tsuki then frowned when she saw that everyone seemed to have more energy than yesterday. It looked like they had been fed, but Tsuki could remember not giving them anything last night. So that would mean... "Yuki!" she yelled, stressing the "u" for emphasis, "Did you give them food without my permission?" Yuki then smirked, taking out her own earplugs. "Yes, I did." she said proudly, "And I did it without your permission." Tsuki threw her arms up in the air, "Why would you do that?!" she turned and pouted, "I was having fun starving them, too." Yuki then snorted, "Oh please. I know you fed Renji." Tsuki then turned to Yuki, "Well yeah, I did, but that's because i like Renji!" Ichigo then jumped up yelling, "Why the hell does Renji get to be the favorite? Everyone knows that I am the hottest character in Bleach! If anyone should be the favorite, it should be me!" Tsuki then glared daggers at him, "Quit your bitching, Ichigo." She said angrily, "You may have your own fanbase, but so does Renji. Also, you are NOT the hottest character in Bleach! Do you have long red hair? Do you have sexy tribal tattoos on your body? Are you a badass? No, your not. You're just a stupid little bitch-ass who's name means strawberry in Japanese, which is also gay, and the only reason your still alive is because your the "main character" of Bleach!" Tsuki finished her rant, breathing heavily. Everyone watched in awe, with their mouths agape. They then turned to Ichigo, expecting him to make a comeback, even though there was no way of topping Tsuki's comment. Without warning, Ichigo burst into tears. Everyone sweat dropped, even Yuki, who was hoping that Ichigo was man enough to stand up for himself. Through his tears, he wailed, "Your so mean to me!"

Tsuki smiled, "That's right, now go cry in the corner!" She pointed to a random corner. Ichigo yelled furiously, "Don't tell me what to do!" He crawled over to the corner anyway, despite his outburst, and curled up into the fetal position sobbing quietly. Rukia screamed, "How could you do that to him! He had dreams, you heartless…" She trailed off, "Thing!" Tsuki scoffed, "Thing? Really Rukia? That's the best you can come up with?" Turning away from Rukia who, after glaring at Tsuki, ran to comfort Ichigo, Tsuki asked in general, "Hey, where's Byakuya?" She suddenly spots him in another corner of the room sobbing despondently over the shredded bits of his expensive scarf. Rocking back and forth, he mumbled, "My scarf. My beautiful scarf, she ripped it! You were once the pride of the Kuchiki clan. Now look at you!" He then buried his face into the shredded fabric, sobbing uncontrollably. Yuki frowned, "Wow Tsuki" She said flatly, "You've managed to make two people cry in the span of five minutes." Tsuki grinned, an evil glint in her eyes, "Yay! That's a new record!"

Yuki just shook her head at her friend. She then turned to the rest of the cast, who haven't said anything at all yet. She smiled sweetly, "Why haven't you guys said anything? Your input is important, too." Tsuki then snorted upon hearing Yuki's words, "No it isn't." She laughed, "Their input is more laughable than important." Yuki then scolded, "Why must you be so mean?" Tsuki shrugged, "Cuz." she said bluntly, as though that answered Yuki's question. Now it was Yuki's turn to throw her arms up in the air, although when she did she nearly hit Uryu in the face. She yelled, "Can't you be nice for at least one chapter?" Tsuki smirked, "I could, but i won't." She then laughed at Yuki's inner explosion as she seethed. After she finished her internal explosion, Yuki took a few deep breaths to calm herself. She then sighed, and cooling down she said, "Alright, we're going to have a special guest appearance today!" Everyone then silently pitied whoever the fool was that stupidly decided to enter this dammed place.

Karin walked into the room and spotted Ichigo first. she ran over to him and grabbed his ear yelling, "Where the hell have you been? Do you know how worried Yuzu is? Do you now how annoying dad has become since you were gone? He's even more of a perverted bastard now than ever!" While she was scolding Ichigo, he was yelling random pleas for her to let go of his ear and get help. Tsuki and Yuki started giggling behind their hands. "House troubles, Ichigo?" Tsuki commented. Ichigo glared at her and yuki. "IT'S NOT FUNNY!" he screamed. Tsuki nodded, "You're right, it's not." Everyone turned to give her shocked looks. Was Tsuki actually being considerate? Does that mean she's being nice? What is the world coming to? Tsuki then burst into laughter, "IT'S HILARIOUS! HAHA!" As she continued to laugh, everyone breathed a sigh of relief. Good, everything was still normal. Tsuki was still the evil person she always was. Nothing changed. Eventually, Karin let go of his ear. Karin noticed Toshiro and said to him, "Hey what's up, Toshiro? How's elementary treating ya?" She started ruffling his hair, "I see you haven't grown, but I bet that's because you're still a little kid, huh?" A vein began to bulge on his forehead. He screamed, "I AM NOT A LITTLE KID!" "Yes you are." Tsuki retorted. Toshiro shouted, "STAY OUT OF THIS!" Tsuki smirked and said mockingly, "Aww, it's midget rage." She laughs and started to point at Toshiro.

Yuki was trying to keep a straight face, "Tsuki that's not nice." However she breaks down into giggles along with Tsuki, and Toshiro glares heatedly at the both of them. Toshiro then screamed at the top of his lungs, "I AM NOT A MIDGET!" Tsuki, who was still giggling, said, "Fine, but your not tall either." Toshiro then screamed, "YOU KNOW WHAT? I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR BULL-ACK!" Everyone starts laughing at hearing this. "Rangiku, who was trying to be sympathetic, asked, "Aww Captain, did you strain your voice again?" Toshiro glares but nods mutely, refusing to speak any further. Tsuki then yelled "Speak, damn it!" She proceeds to stomp on his foot. Toshiro screeches, "AAAAAAH-ACK!" Renji remains quiet. Tsuki had a concerned look on her face, "Aww, what's wrong pineapple?" she turned to Ichigo shouting accusingly, "WHAT DID YOU DO?" Ichigo cowered in fear. Yelling defensively, "NOTHING, I SWEAR!" Renji put his hand on Tsuki's shoulder, "It's cool, I'm okay." He said reassuringly, to which Tsuki grinned and yells, "YAY!" She then jumps him again. Renji baffled, asked, "HEY, WHAT'RE YO-MMMM!" Tsuki smashes her lips onto Renji's cutting off his speech. Yuki had an internal battle as she stared at Ichigo. Mentally, she battled, "I shouldn't do it. I shouldn't do it. He belongs to Rukia, Rukia, not me. Not me…" She then turned to see Tsuki sucking Renji's face, which didn't help her in the slightest. Yuki then screams out loud, "FUCK THIS! MOVE RUKIA!" Pushing Rukia aside, she then tackles Ichigo. Ichigo looked frantic, "WAIT, WAIT, NOOO-MMMMM!" She smashes their lips together. Tsuki's head suddenly pops up and she grins, "WOO, WAY TO GO YUKI!" Rukia looked hurt and tears started to form in her eyes, "Yuki, how could you?" Tsuki bluntly yelled, "AW, SHUT UP!" She then goes back to smothering Renji while Yuki continues to smother Ichigo.

Rukia then turns to her brother, looking for comfort, only to spot him engaged in a hot makeout session with his shredded scarf. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. It had scared her young eyes to see her only brother, the one she thought so highly of, making out with a pieces of cloth. She snapped, screaming, "BROTHER! WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING?! UNHAND THAT THING AT ONCE!" She tries to snatch it from him but he flips her off shouting, "LEAVE US RUKIA, THIS IS A PRIVATE MOMENT!" Rukia now stands in the midst watching the chaos around her. Her only thought is, THIS IS A NIGHTMARE! Rukia crossed her arms over her chest and yelled out loud, "How is it that I am the only one with nobody to make out with?" Rangiku then angrily pipes up, "Oh, stop your whining! I don't have anyone either." She turned to Toshiro, who was still silent. "Wait a second." A plan then formulates in her mind. She gasps and screams, "CAAAAAAAPTAAAAAAAIN?" Toshiro then screams hoarsely, "DON'T. YOU. DARE-MMMM!" Uryu suddenly perks up. He strode over to Rukia and smoothly said, "Hey uh, Rukia, I'm right here if you wanna…" He then waggled his eyebrows, "You know." She looked at him, then away, then back at him, then away again. Finally, she stared him dead in the eyes with a disgusted look shouting, "NO OKAY? JUST NO!" Uryu sulkily said, "You don't have to be so RUDE about it!" Then, with his last hopes crushed, he bursts into uncontrollable tears. Rukia sighed exasperatedly, "Well, since our so called "hosts" are too busy playing tongue hockey with my friends, I guess it's up to me to end this thing before it gets any worse. So, bye. And if I were you, I wouldn't come back!" Both hosts suddenly popped up screaming, "DON'T SAY THAT!" Then they went back to playing tongue hockey with their struggling captives.

So there ya go! Leave a review on your way out, k? And stay tuned for Chapter 4!


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